Do you ever desire vengeance upon others? Do you ever tell yourself, "If only they knew how much they've hurt me?"
I definitely have. I think it stems from the human desire to be understood and justified. I do believe the more we want to point fingers to feel better, the harder it is to ever take ownership over the fact that we ourselves are broken too.
We ourselves have caused the same PAIN in someone else's life whether we'd like to acknowledge it or not. Every single human hurts other humans. We're all lost little children running around looking for LOVE so unaware where we can find it.
In his word, the Lord tells us to humble ourselves. He tells us not to boast. He tells us to forgive others in the same way our Heavenly Father has forgiven us.
When I think of humility, I think of partaking in the pain of others even though I've found the thing I've been looking for. When I think of forgiving others, I think of having eyes of compassion towards the other person and not comparing their sins against mine. When I think of not boasting, I think of not getting comfortable with God's grace.
The thing about Gods grace and forgiveness is that sometimes we abuse it. Sometimes we feel like we deserve it. Sometimes we willingly sin because we think we can just go to God and he'll make it right.
In doing that, we miss out on what God is really doing.
We miss out on his GOODNESS!
I had a dream the other night of me and a friend who have inflicted a lot of pain on each other over the years. The two of us have had our fair share of fights, but in the dream I was able to offer God's forgiveness to her despite wanting anything in return. God showed me what it looked like to forgive someone who hurt me without needing her to explain herself.
It's funny how we think that those who have hurt us should write us this long letter and wash our feet begging for us to forgive them. We think they should experience the pain they put us through. We think we are more deserving of God's forgiveness than they are. Ultimately we think we are better than them and hate them for the things they've done.
I don't have all the answers around this topic, but I do have a prayer I want to leave you with if you feel like you can relate to any of the things I wrote.
"Lord, I ask for forgiveness towards the people I've sinned against and hurt. Lord I ask that you'd strip away my pride. I'm so sorry for the ways that my actions have caused pain on other people. Lord as I seek to forgive those who you've forgiven, help me not to compare my sins against theirs. Help me to have your eyes of compassion every time I think about or see them. I thank you God for forgiving me. It's something that I do not deserve. It's something that I never want to take for granted. Lord help me surrender more of myself to you and partake in the redemption of others every time they surrender to you Father. Help me maintain connection with my forgiven self and be grateful instead of shameful for the things I've done in my life. Help me to accept your love to its full affect. In Jesus's precious name. Amen."